OF FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALLERS

(A light hearted post on football constructed with footballers’ names as building blocks)

picture source; google

 No one can deny the fact that football is a universally loved sport. The silky skills and visionary passing of midfielders, the lightening speed of wingers on the flanks, the wall like stubbornness of defense, the magnetic hands of goalkeepers and clinical finishes of strikers makes this game something that will always be watched day in and day out across the globe.

“Bend it like Beckham,” is a famous quote in foot-balling world. I would add; “Watch it until you are Bent (Darren Bent-Aston Villa) and your Back Harmed (Beckham).

Football is lucrative sport that is worth billions of Dollars, Pounds and Sterling (Raheem Sterling-Liverpool). It is a physically demanding sport that requires expending lot of energy leaving you dehydrated, so you have to Drink Water (Danny Drinkwater-Licester) a lot, during the game.

 Often players have to bear the Brunt (Chris Brunt-West Brom) of its physicality. If you are hit in the eyes, you have a likely chance of becoming Blind (Daley blind- Manchester United), because the Hunt (Jack Hunt-Crystal Palace) is on for trophies.

Many  footballers begin their career when they are Young (Ashley Young-Man U) and some are not only small but, Smalling (Chris Smalling-man U) that we can call them Nani (Manchester United) and before you graduate to become a Walker (Kyle Walker-Tottenham) you also have to Crouch (Peter Crouch-Stoke).

The walk can trigger the Heat On (Tom Heaton-Burnley) and the journey can be Long (Kevin Long-Burnley), it can take you as far as Kabul (Younas Kaboul-Tottenham) where women play football covered under burkha.

 Most players play Cleverly (Tom Clervely-Everton) in the Kompany (Vincent Kompany-Man City) where a non-Bhutanse has a Bhutanese- like name of Zeko (Eden  Dzeko-Man City). Some footballers are Bony (Wiflred Bony-Man City) and Contact with bony footballers is health Hazard (Eden Hazard-Chelsea). Few are so robust that they have earned the tag of being Villain (Willian-Chelsea). But, some footballers have cult like followers like Hindu Mata (Juan Mata-Man U).

If football stadium is a Palace (Crystal Palace FC), there would be Gunners (Arsenal) as sentries. The Kings (Ledley King, Andy King) will be in one of the Chambers (Calum Chambers-Arsenal) watching match live on television and you will be ushered in by Chamberlain (Oxlade Chamberlain-Arsenal). In the Queen’s Park, Rangers (QPR) keep their vigil from Myhill (Boaz Myhill-West Brom) huddled between stones (Huddlestone-Hull City) as the Queen (Stephen Quinn-Hull City) opens the Cork (Jack Cork-Swansea) of Champaign bottle in the palace to celebrate their team’s win.

And out in the field a Gardener (Craig Gardener-West Brom) is busy moving a Bale (Gareth Bale-Real Madrid) of grass to the Barnes (Ashley Barnes-Burnley) nearby, covered in Grimes (Matt Grimes-Swansea) before heading home to watch a cup final.

Sometimes when you are in the losing side 90 minute is too Long (Kevin Long-Burnley) especially when your strikers fail to hit Target (Matt Target). And the players asks themselves if they are playing Wright (Wright-Man City)but, deep inside they keep telling themselves; “yes we Can” (Emre Can-Liverpool) and certainly this is Wisdom (Wisdom-Liverpool).

Goal post is not mere Woodgate(Jonathan Woodgate-fmr Real Madrid) with timbers from Westwood (Westwood-Aston Villa) or constructed by Mason (Ryan Mason-Tottenham) with bricks and mortars. Nor are the posts baked from flour by Baker (Nathan Baker-Aston Villa) but, they are steel posts made by Smith (Willson Smith). Collision with the posts can break you Cheek (Cheek-Chelsea) and you not only become Brown (Wes Brown-Sunderland) but can completely turn you into a Blackman (Blackman-Chelsea). Such an injury can land you in a hospital Ward (Ward-Liverpool) for a long time.

Given (Shay Given-Aston Villa) that footballers work in teams, managers have to Herd (Chris Herd-Aston Villa) players together like a Shepherd (Liam Shepphard-Swansea).

Some footballers are loved like Rose (Danny Rose-Tottenham) flowers and others are Noble (Mark Noble-West Ham United) in their hearts. Some life stories are like a Page (Lewis Page-WHU) out of a fairy tale that you remember from Oxford (Rea Oxford-WHU) press that you read when walking along the Downing (Stuart Downing- WHU) street to meet prime minister, not in Ireland (Stephen Ireland-Stoke) but in England.

Football is loved universally and many trace the origin of the game to time of Adam (Charlie Adam-Stoke) while others believe the game started from the time of Moses (Victor Moses-Stoke). Whatever may be the truth, football is the world’s most beautiful game that even the names of players have a story to tell.

Happy Funny Reading!!!

Gyembo Namgyal

June 12, 2015

Disclaimer: This article is about the game of football written in light-hearted manner using professional footballers’ names in literal sense. This article in no way is intended to malign anyone either intentionally or otherwise. It is a creative work using names of footballers in building up sentences to tell a comical story on football.

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF SPEAKING LANGUAGES YOU BARELY KNOW

Although Bhutan is a small country, its virtual inaccessibility not just to the outside world but even within during the ancient days was all too obvious from diverse language, culture and tradition we see today. Virtually, every region and valleys that are separated from each other have something different culturally which continues to thrive even to this day.

Among these diversity is the language we have inherited now. Despite our small size, there are at least a dozen dialects and there are even variations among the same language spoken in different valleys. Like Dzongkha’s variations among Dzongkha speaking people of the different western Bhutan, there are variations in Tshangla among the Tshangla speaking people of the east and so is the case with those speaking Bumthangkha and Khengkhas in the central region.

But, as long as languages serve its purpose of communication, the basic objective of language is achieved.  But sometimes we find ourselves lost in translation when we try to speak a language that is not our mother tongue. At times it can find the speaker in a precarious situation leading to sudden blurting out of inappropriate words, phrases and sentences.

Here are some examples of how, while trying to communicate with languages people don’t have command over, some people landed themselves in awkward situations and hilarious of course. It was not long ago when the government made it mandatory for official discussions at all levels including those at the grass roots to be made in the national language Dzongkha. This has been in one way a good opportunity for the non-Dzongkha speaking people to develop command and proficiency of the national language. But, for a non-Dzongkha speaking local leaders, making points through also becomes difficult and often end up blurting out a cocktail of Dzongkhag and the local dialect that virtually bring about laughter and light heartedness even in some serious forums.

In one of the local dzongkhag level decision making body, a Gup (head of a gewog or block) was reprimanded for not making desirable progress in a bridge construction work. The leader stood up to explain his position, and this is how he ended up saying, “Zaam chap da lu lakha du. Dang pa rang ‘paer’ gobay, deley do gobay, deley ‘baetza’ gobay,”  evoking open laughter among those in attendance and the leader was left red-faced.

What he meant to say was, to explain how difficult it is to make progress in building the bridge and that, first materials like iron, stone and sand had to be stock-piled. What he did not realize was the fact that he ended up using Tshangla version for iron and sand (paer and baetza instead of cha and bjem) that the house found it hilarious. This statement makes round even now and it never ceases to evoke laughter even today.

In another incident, a man from western Bhutan came to do orange business in the east. The man understood little tshangla language but was adventurous and likes to take assumptions. One day, that assumption just became little costly for him. He went into an orchard and after inspecting the fruit asked the owner the cost. The man took a translator with him. After much mulling, the owner said that he is expecting about thirteen thousand Ngultrums. In Tshangla thirteen is spoken as ‘Song Sam’. Without waiting for translation, the business man jumped in and told the owner, “Song sam malap wai, Sumchu jeeng gay.” He virtually ended up saying, “thirteen thousand is too high; I will give you thirty thousand.” The perplexed orchard owner couldn’t believe his luck. He pretended to accept the offer with some reluctance only. Both the parties were pleased but, left the translator mute and perplexed.

It was in 2008, Bhutan was gearing up for its first parliamentary elections. There was tremendous effort on the part of the election commission to educate voters all over the country through the newly appointed electoral officers. In one such meeting, an official from central Bhutan, though not a native Tshangla speaker happens to know the language to some extent and had the confidence on his ability to convey the message. Towards the end, he told repeatedly, “It doesn’t matter who comes to you with verbal promises, use your ‘Joktang’ and vote accordingly.” What he meant to say was; tell people to use their brain which is called ‘Nyoktang’ in Tshangla but ended up telling people to use ‘Joktang’ which actually means potato. He said he felt embarrassed even while shouting to use their joktang repeatedly when people giggled. He only realized later, why.

Here is an incident where a Bhutanese businessman went to attend an auction in the bordering town. The auction was mostly attended by Indian businessmen and so the auction had to be conducted in Hindi. Once the auction began, the bidders quoted their bid offer in Hindi at the top of their voice. After few rounds of quotation, the Bhutanese man reached a point where he did not know any further count in Hindi. So he intermittently shouted, “Sabse Upaar, Saabse Upaar.” As soon as one man quoted the highest bid, the auctioneer began counting Ek…, Do…., the man kept shouting, ‘Sabse Upaar, Sabse Upaar’. He was trying to bid above the last highest bidder, so he shouted ‘Sabse Upaar’, much to the bewilderment of all in attendance. At the end of the day, he ended up with nothing except that people took him as being mentally unsound and, those who knew him began calling him ‘Sabse Upaar’.

Even author Linda Leaming in her book, ‘Married to Bhutan’ wrote how one day while shopping for a khaddar in a shop bumped into a senior Bhutanese officer and tried using her newly acquired proficiency in Dzongkha by attempting to converse in Dzongkha. She tried to say, “I hope you are also coming to a minister’s reception but, ended up saying “Gho phue bey ma nye” literally telling the officer to remove his clothes and lie down. Embarrassed, the officer made a hasty retreat from the shop. She realized her mistake only after the officer left much to the bewilderment of the shopkeeper.

There is even a recent post in the social media which said that the Korean Prime Minister who was preparing to meet US president having been briefed to greet the president in English. The aide told the prime minister that he should greet the president with, “How are you?” and when the question was asked back by the president, he should reply with, ‘‘Me too.”

When they met this happened: Prime Minister began by asking, “Who are you?”

The president who was taken aback little surprised said, “I am of course husband of Michele Obama.”

The Korean Prime Minister ended up saying, “Me too.”

Like these, there are many other incidences of how such goofs occur when we say unfamiliar words and sentences of languages we don’t have command over at wrong time and place. They are at times not just inappropriate but costly sometimes and often hilarious. Well, despite the awkward situation faced at the time of its occurrence, they make us smile and laugh in posterity when we re-live those situations.

 In passing, I would like to state here that these incidences while true are not meant to offend anyone. Forgive me if they do. Meanwhile wish you a happy reading and keep well until we meet next time here.

Gyembo Namgyal

August 21, 2014.

LOVE LETTER

LOVE LETTER

A friend of mine suggested that I write about love letter for this week’s blog. I was lost because I hardly remember if I had ever written a love letter for myself in my life. I even don’t remember exactly how I wrote love letters for my friends and seniors in schools even though I confessed earlier that I was a love letter writer. Those were long forgotten part of my life. I hardly remember on whose insistence I wrote love letters or who the letters have been directed to.

Ah, then something struck my mind. Few years back, a group of students passed by my house. They came to my place along with my son and I offered them tea.  In the process of my inquiries about the progress of their studies, I checked the boys’ notebooks to see how well they are writing. And from the middle of one of the notebook, a loose page neatly folded at the middle fell to the floor.

One boy’s face blushed and others gave impish smiles looking at their friend’s countenance. The loose page contained a long love letter written in multi coloured ink. But even the boy who blushed denied the letter belonged to him. So I asked if I can keep it. They boys agreed amidst giggles and passing glances shot at the culprit.

The letter was interesting one and many people smiled reading at the way it was written to whoever I showed. I could not recollect if I have saved that letter which I thought I did but, did not realize where I placed it. After a good thought of where the possible repository was, I decided to have a look inside my fun-box. It is a small box where I kept interesting and funny objects.

While I remained doubtful all along of finding it, a part of me believed that even if the letter is not inside the fun-box, it must be somewhere. So I began searching and yeah at the bottom of the box was the letter I was looking for.  

Today, we complain of the lack of creativity and writing skills among our children but, I think this is not true.  This boy had written two full pages pulled out of a standard register. For me, this letter proved to be as much creative as anyone can imagine. I wonder, whether I have been even half as creative during my school days.

While there is no point in writing down the entire letter, I must quote some interesting lines and paragraphs the letter contained. This is what the letter contained in parts; “Dear love of my luv life, you are the jewel of my wonderful life, you are a fine golden bowl to receive my love, you are a beautiful flower in a garden that helpless bee like me are naturally attracted to.”

He then asked the girl never to change her mind, come what may and he wrote, “Don’t forget the moon even if the super sun come shining.” And he described how his love is going to remain with same intensity from hour to hour and said that even if he sees the girl’s smile fading like a wilting primrose, he can only love more.

Then he compared himself to snow lion and that of the girl as snow of the high mountains. He wrote how unbearable it would be the snow lion if all the snow melted on the high mountains. And he compared his love to that of legendary Singye-Galem. The boy wrote, “Singye died for Galem one time, but I can die for you many times. I love you so mercilessly.”

On the right side of the double lined ruled paper, the boy made a special insert which says, “I don’t believe that  in a hundred lifetimes, I would find someone like you and that makes me believe that miracles do happen and dreams can really come true…..I am so deeply and so endlessly…. In love with you.”

And in the similar position of the second page the boy asked the girl not to be annoyed for his inability to talk with her despite his effort which he considers as sign of his true love for the girl. And in the middle of the second page there, written diagonally and inside a box are some more lines under title Message. This is what the message really was and I quote exactly what the message was all about:

“Hi, Shumar gi bum Jamchoe, I am Nangkor ki bu Dordzen.

Nge Metshe Nyelam Na, if you don’t love me, my Sampai Rewa will be in vain and I will be Lengo which will take me to Dzoelwai Lam.

If you have many Hingtam to share with me, let’s share at Sweet Home.

I will be your dasho and hope to have many Jaros.

At last we will confess to our Phama for Ngyenda Dra and

Let’s have a son Jigdrel and when we become old we will go to Chorten Kora to pray for

Metshey Throthue like Gasa Lamai Singye mo………………” and signed off the letter with, “Yours till eternity….Regyel.

Now, isn’t this truly a work of a creative mind and that too of a school boy? I just wonder where the destiny took them. Was that a real love destined for a happy ending or a mere puppy love we all go through at one stage of our life, depends on various cause and conditions Ley Jumdre but I can certainly salute this boy for his effort and creativity.

Well, I just want to remind this friend who suggested the topic to come out one day with your love story as well. The volumes of your love note as you said you wrote brought tears in the eyes of that person you wrote to, let’s hear your story…….Hingtam.

Happy Reading.

Gyembo Namgyal

August 18, 2014.

Note: Structures in some of the quotes have been edited slightly to make it readable except the paragraph that contains words in italics. The words in italics are names of Bhutanese films which the boy used to convey his message.