Friday, 12 June 2015

OF FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALLERS

(A light hearted post on football constructed with footballers’ names as building blocks)
picture source; google


 No one can deny the fact that football is a universally loved sport. The silky skills and visionary passing of midfielders, the lightening speed of wingers on the flanks, the wall like stubbornness of defense, the magnetic hands of goalkeepers and clinical finishes of strikers makes this game something that will always be watched day in and day out across the globe.

“Bend it like Beckham,” is a famous quote in foot-balling world. I would add; “Watch it until you are Bent (Darren Bent-Aston Villa) and your Back Harmed (Beckham).

Football is lucrative sport that is worth billions of Dollars, Pounds and Sterling (Raheem Sterling-Liverpool). It is a physically demanding sport that requires expending lot of energy leaving you dehydrated, so you have to Drink Water (Danny Drinkwater-Licester) a lot, during the game.

 Often players have to bear the Brunt (Chris Brunt-West Brom) of its physicality. If you are hit in the eyes, you have a likely chance of becoming Blind (Daley blind- Manchester United), because the Hunt (Jack Hunt-Crystal Palace) is on for trophies.

Many  footballers begin their career when they are Young (Ashley Young-Man U) and some are not only small but, Smalling (Chris Smalling-man U) that we can call them Nani (Manchester United) and before you graduate to become a Walker (Kyle Walker-Tottenham) you also have to Crouch (Peter Crouch-Stoke).

The walk can trigger the Heat On (Tom Heaton-Burnley) and the journey can be Long (Kevin Long-Burnley), it can take you as far as Kabul (Younas Kaboul-Tottenham) where women play football covered under burkha.

 Most players play Cleverly (Tom Clervely-Everton) in the Kompany (Vincent Kompany-Man City) where a non-Bhutanse has a Bhutanese- like name of Zeko (Eden  Dzeko-Man City). Some footballers are Bony (Wiflred Bony-Man City) and Contact with bony footballers is health Hazard (Eden Hazard-Chelsea). Few are so robust that they have earned the tag of being Villain (Willian-Chelsea). But, some footballers have cult like followers like Hindu Mata (Juan Mata-Man U).

If football stadium is a Palace (Crystal Palace FC), there would be Gunners (Arsenal) as sentries. The Kings (Ledley King, Andy King) will be in one of the Chambers (Calum Chambers-Arsenal) watching match live on television and you will be ushered in by Chamberlain (Oxlade Chamberlain-Arsenal). In the Queen’s Park, Rangers (QPR) keep their vigil from Myhill (Boaz Myhill-West Brom) huddled between stones (Huddlestone-Hull City) as the Queen (Stephen Quinn-Hull City) opens the Cork (Jack Cork-Swansea) of Champaign bottle in the palace to celebrate their team’s win.

And out in the field a Gardener (Craig Gardener-West Brom) is busy moving a Bale (Gareth Bale-Real Madrid) of grass to the Barnes (Ashley Barnes-Burnley) nearby, covered in Grimes (Matt Grimes-Swansea) before heading home to watch a cup final.

Sometimes when you are in the losing side 90 minute is too Long (Kevin Long-Burnley) especially when your strikers fail to hit Target (Matt Target). And the players asks themselves if they are playing Wright (Wright-Man City)but, deep inside they keep telling themselves; “yes we Can” (Emre Can-Liverpool) and certainly this is Wisdom (Wisdom-Liverpool).

Goal post is not mere Woodgate(Jonathan Woodgate-fmr Real Madrid) with timbers from Westwood (Westwood-Aston Villa) or constructed by Mason (Ryan Mason-Tottenham) with bricks and mortars. Nor are the posts baked from flour by Baker (Nathan Baker-Aston Villa) but, they are steel posts made by Smith (Willson Smith). Collision with the posts can break you Cheek (Cheek-Chelsea) and you not only become Brown (Wes Brown-Sunderland) but can completely turn you into a Blackman (Blackman-Chelsea). Such an injury can land you in a hospital Ward (Ward-Liverpool) for a long time.

Given (Shay Given-Aston Villa) that footballers work in teams, managers have to Herd (Chris Herd-Aston Villa) players together like a Shepherd (Liam Shepphard-Swansea).

Some footballers are loved like Rose (Danny Rose-Tottenham) flowers and others are Noble (Mark Noble-West Ham United) in their hearts. Some life stories are like a Page (Lewis Page-WHU) out of a fairy tale that you remember from Oxford (Rea Oxford-WHU) press that you read when walking along the Downing (Stuart Downing- WHU) street to meet prime minister, not in Ireland (Stephen Ireland-Stoke) but in England.

Football is loved universally and many trace the origin of the game to time of Adam (Charlie Adam-Stoke) while others believe the game started from the time of Moses (Victor Moses-Stoke). Whatever may be the truth, football is the world’s most beautiful game that even the names of players have a story to tell.

Happy Funny Reading!!!

Gyembo Namgyal
June 12, 2015

Disclaimer: This article is about the game of football written in light-hearted manner using professional footballers’ names in literal sense. This article in no way is intended to malign anyone either intentionally or otherwise. It is a creative work using names of footballers in building up sentences to tell a comical story on football.


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